So, this is being built first and foremost in regards to my efforts to track down a song. I have never encountered a song I have not been immediately able to discovery the name, artist and lyrics to by googling lyrics on Google. ...This song defies me.
I was listening to the radio. Id never heard the song before, and I havent, since. I dont really even remember anything about the song and I remember at the time not even being able to focus or pay attention to the rest of the lyrics, but the ones of significance are: "Shes a firewalker/Burnin like I taught her." I would have sworn (though this is not absolute) that they indicated the name of the song was "Drinking Problem."
No, not the Stein song.. Not The Cure.. and not the new Springsteen song. In fact, now that I think about it, its entirely possible that the "Drinking Problem" lead may be uselless. I know it wa referenced in the set following the song and Iconnected it to and with the song I'd heard.. and wrote it down. Please, if you have any idea of the song that contains those lyrics, contact me. Put "Firewalker" in the subject.
(Editor's note: Warning Tangent Coming)
Also... Another song I love and that my area seems to be buzzing its ass off over, is "Take Me to Church," by Irish artist Hozier. (The site isnt informative or really useful, but the only way I can get attention back to him, where it belongs). Note: This was also the song the lyrics were taken from in my Reality in Motion link.
Now, Im going to off on a tangent. (You've been warned). I am very right and left brained, meaning that I literally (as illustrated on the "Im Not on Crack" link demonstrates,) process and think about things in both a concrete and abstract way... Im a unique hybrid of artist and scientist.. I came up with a saying earlier this year, that engineers keep the world spinning on its axis, but artists make life worth living. Ive also, as a scientist, always said that how you interpret it says far more about you, than it does, it. This is a critical element as it relates to Flicker-Effect, and is concretely, undeniably, absolutely scientifically supported by the very existence of the Rorscharch (inkblot) tests. (Note: while a peer-reviewed resource should never be considered a reliable resource for concrete information that can be accepted as fact, they do pose good points to start from and the theories expressed in the Wiki pertinent to this explanation are 100% sound).
To quote from the site, the issue of significance is (or at least begins with) "...subjects' perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex algorithms, or both. Some psychologists use this test to examine a person's personality characteristics and emotional functioning. It has been employed to detect underlying thought disorder..."
...In laymans terms, how you see things says everything about you. And if there can be so many variable perceptions for a single non-dynamic thing as a single static image, how can there not be for a medium with more depth or inherent subjective meaning, such as art?
Considering the following aspects are so highly variable when all individuals are looking at the exact same thing (see earlier references to the unreliability of eye-witness testimony, btw..) regarding its used to determine psychological mindset as it relates to the very fact that an absolute constant with no innate variablity can be sen so many different ways... Now throw in words, feelings, things expressed emotionally or that are in any way subjective or open to interpretation. (And add in inaccurate perceptions, inaccurate beliefs, bias, personal history, having a bad day...) Now, you get why you all are not playing well together or understanding eachother very well (let alone me,) even though in your efforts to communicate, youare clearly using plain English. Factor in abilities/weakness regarding coping mechanisms.. handling/owning/addressing emotional or stressful issue... You get the idea.
Now, back to art: Case in Point (There will be two): (Note 09.01.14 1241hrs - look for the second at a later date. I got side-tracked).
Hozier's "Take Me to Church"
Now, this is an awesome song all the way around, but the lyrics of significance are highlighted in red (relevant in other ways not explained highlighted in purple) and how I came to appreciate the song and its meaning of such will follow:
Take Me to Church
My lover's got humour
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshiped her sooner
If the Heavens ever did speak
She is the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
'We were born sick,' you heard them say it
My church offers no absolution
She tells me, 'Worship in the bedroom'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you
I was born sick,
But I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
If I'm a pagan of the good times
My lover's the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice
To drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That's a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We've a lot of starving faithful
That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me my deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
No masters or kings
When the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am human
Only then I am clean
Amen. Amen. Amen
So, To first set the stage so you can understand what this song meant to me (In other words, so you can "empathize" and put yourself in my position to see where I'm coming from, the first step in effective communication and attempts at understanding anything another person is experiencing with any degree of accuracy..), I heard this song while I was in jail (and no I cannot talk about it due to pending legal action I am pursuing, though I assure you at some point it will be highly publicized) . To get across to you the conditions of what I was also functioning under, this battle had gone on for 2+ yrs and the event/arrest/trial/sentencing everything involving me was so complicated that healthcare professionals have been involved from the beginning. First to respond to my emotional crisis subsequent to the , then to stabilize it, to evealuate, etc.. andso At the point I was fung guilty, I had letters from five 5 Members of my healthcare team (4 were doctors) trying to ensure that considering the extremely traumatic nature of the event that had taken place, what had resulted (the charge) the process and the outcome, My condition on record, described as "delicate," iis concretely established by the fact htat Id sent certified copies of said letters to the Super-Intendent and Classification officer (which I also carried on me at all times) of the jail. I was put back on major tranquilizers just to pre-ept the foreseeable outcome, under ideal circumstances.. Actions defying and oppositional to suggested care and as supported by the medical director of the jail during the process of even getting me there (before I ever even went to jail, btw,) combined with the fact that meds were discontinued, support this was a highly complicated and very traumatic case... I know youre really wondering. I promise at some point all this will be made known. Trust and Believe.
So, all thats going on and this song comes on and the first thing I remember strikining me was (my slight misinterpretation) the phrase "Ill worship like a dog at the shrine of your life" Well, Id been dealing with a relationship issue that resonated with the setiment. ([figure out what to call this later]) And, thats another reason why people cant communicate, btw.. you dont even use the words you have. You condense, shorten and continually dumb-yourself-down trying to communicate with idiots and people who dont understand things, that you forget the empirical value inherent to the very written word of an specficity therein. You speak very generally.. and loosely. ) reflected the nature of my love and devotion for him.
Its about how he used to love me and make me feel and I was relating the "I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife," in that I was begging and crying and pleading (for all intents and purposes) for him and exposing my vulnurability Id never exerienced., "confessing" in that I was being so open and trying and trying and trying and trying. and being more vulnerable..and giving him every ohance to succeed or to do something and be what he had led me to believe and think he would be. And my total vulnaribility.
It talked about how he should be loving me, how he used to be loving me, Dear God if this man would just get his shit together...
And, due to the nature of such circumstances that prevent my being able to at this point in time explain, the line regarding "no greater innocence than our gentle sin" is of significant importance.
----END SUBJECTIVE OPINION----
<-----!!!This is where the organization of the article stopped and I began to try to think of the next phase of the article. The next three sentences are notes I "typed out loud" to myself... the rest is a brainstorm of activity that poured forth... on a slow night... pursuant to my theory, my website... researchers, material... You'll get the idea. Its quite interesting.!!!----->
lol, if you ppl cld just </> -- That means If you could just "stop" "function." That would make life too easy. (geeks get it, you, dont). (Yes, this is how I think - remember: highly function-oriented). <-----!!!This is what made me start writing in code the way I think. (A.K.A. "Bitchcode")!!!----->
The first step in getting your shit together, is to get your shit together and only associate with people who make fucking sense.
Officially, My Stance is Stupidity is caused by improper perceptions..
Fuck you, you study me. Ive developed an immediate and effective way of understanding and dealing with the world.
*Note: This last statement was not intended toward any speciic person but was a general utterance.
1) It isnt that they are stupid, illogical, irrational, lazy,
or not trying (not that always true or may not be playing a factor on varying
levels in disproportionate ways, on an individual-to-individual basis;) it
cannot be done.
2) They cannot simply listen to what youre saying and logically comprehend the words being used.
3) They frequently loosely use words to express what they mean, that are inconsistent with the technical definition of the words and significantly alter the meaning of what they are intending to express, when taken at literal value. Also, frequently to the extent they generally express the opposite of what they are intending to express.
"If you think Im talking over your head, look at it this way: You should take it as a compliment, as I was over-estimating your intelligence."
<-----!!!The following details a few things related to a site I was working on!!!----->
Please note: this is simply the highlights of what Ive accomplished in the past 20 hours, and you should consider along with this, that last night was an ambien night and I slept, so from what I can gather, 8-9 hours of this, I was not doing anything in any functional capactiy, other than trying to recover and allow my body to rest from constant activity, such as this.
Also, these are just the highlights, of what I know, remember, and can document based on timestamped files and verifiable activity.
1143hrs 07.31.14 woke up
1) figured more shit out, which led to:
2) This email
3) Dealt with this <https://forums.motorola.com/posts/df93eb2ce2> issue with Motorola, from when my phone got broken which happened d/t the state of physical exhaustion I was in.
4) Updated/altered/created/modified or changed in some way, 7 links on personal site.
5) " 2 4 pages on site based on this one, Ive built for just one of my healthcare providors
6) saw her
7) Since link failed in her office, I fixed the issue which was technical
8) created an email account for her
9) updated that page alone 3 times today, to reflect changes and communicate with her.
10) went to walmart.. Bought $35 worth of sugar and protein
11) stumbled across: .., also aware that while generally Ive never been one to feel physical symptoms of hunger (literally this is the first time this year), I feel the traditional "gnawing" in my stomach. Significant; will be expanded up.
12) Taught my son how to break down and compare items on a cost-per-ounce basis to know how to figure out the best deal when comparing products of different size/price, etc.. While at Walmart.
13) Realized that everyone who gets annoyed because they think Im trying to "sound smart" or am talking over their head should really take it as a compliment.. Because since I clearly try to communicate at a level with an individual that they can comprehend, the fact "Ive talked over your head," means I have clearly over-estimated your intellligence.
14) Just took 3 screenshots and commented on two posts on FB.. The scrshts are for future inclusion on the site.
15) talked to BF x 3, not counting texts
16) ...you get the point. In about 11 hrs of the last 20. On a night I actually slept. And, while all this is going on, Im constantly also running other thought processes silently in the background and applying what Im figuring out to everything, including how to best optimize and develop this information on my site.
17) researched and looked into the availability of several various domains regarding where to publish this site.
18) 3 hours ago decided to make it a directory of my existing website, for sake of simplicity and consolidation of too much out there to organize, effectively manage (for me) and to follow (for you,) as well as anyone who stumbles across any one of the subdirectories to be more likely to find the rest of the material and be able to assimilate the data
Also.. And, do not think this references a habit of opening a window for every subject Im researching or looking into. But, to effectively manage all this, on my laptop, as I write, there are:
9 tabs open in Browser
4 windows open in my HTML editor (piss off, my fellow geeks.. Im lazy.. trying to do all this at this point from scratch in notepad would fucking kill me).
11 files open in photoshop (which I use extensively)
...you get the idea...
19) I took the time to try to remember what all Id done in the
past day to get across to you what level Im functioning at, as well as to
support my innate, intense focus and need for matters to be efficient , because
not only am I busy and do not want to waste the time dealing with stupid shit
you would have figured out for yourself if'd taken the time to read the material
as directed, but its:
a) Extremely energy-intensive to have to go through all this at a customized and individual level for each of you, personally, even under optimal conditions.
b) I have more important shit to do than talk you through what you have sufficient respources to figure out for yourself
c) My brain is really busy taking care of not only the furtherment of FE, but applying it to my life, documenting all results and ares of its significance (e.g. health proffesionals, relationships,) and publishing the information that considering as applied to the above listed point: If your understanding is not of enough importance to you (personally) that you wont take the time to sit wherever you are and read a fucking website, how, all this considered, can you expect me to consider it of great enough importance to me, to add to my caseload, as described? *Seriously*
*Issue to address: My choice of language.
I do not cuss to be profane, crude or vulgar. As Ive said since I was 14, its more like "verbal punctuation". Its of no significance and should not interfere with the information on this site. Furthermore, since this site's founding theory strongly emphasizes the issue of perceptions and bias interferring with logic-driven understanding, consider this your first exercise.
If you do email me.. I will respond. One way, or another. But,
your response will either be an answer or clarification based on your email,
2) dialogue established by and oriented to your email in a non informational capacity
3) informational capacity
4) WHile I have no issue clarifying points of confusion or that are based in a solid understanding of the fundamentals of (read: youve read the site and just have questions), if your question is something that indicates you have not read this list, followed instructions contained here or the resources to determine your answer are on the site and you can figure it out for yourself, you'll get "...." "Refer to site" ..etc.
5) The emails will be answered in the order they are received. Id suggest a subject-relevant subject in the subject line, but be aware that even if youre e-mail subject is "OMG IM GOING TOTALLY BATSHIT-FUCKING-INSANE IVE HAD IT AND IM GONNA BLOW MY FUCKING BRAINS OUT!!!!", it will still be read in the order it was received. See following rationale:
5a) If you have tripped across or resourceful and are furthering your personal growth and development, I will handle you all in the order in which you discovered me and considered me to be a viable resource. Ill recognize your problem in the order you recognized my validity.
5b) Considering that as it relates to the subject used as the example, Keep in mind that the process I have gone through to get to where I am now that of 5 suicide attempts I have had 5 comas and one clinical death, I do understand about pain. If Im here, and I can make it, you can too. We are where we are to get us to where we are meant to be, and life, regardless, will unfold in whatever way neccesary to give us what we need to get there. You'll be fine.
1) Free and fully cooperative with anyone in a research capacity dedicated towards neurological and behavioral science in a professional capacity.
2) Free in any way (at this point) that is oriented towards promoting the awareness and validity of FE/Fundamentals of and behind FE.
3) All matters involving clarification/education/explanation on a personal scale - commercially available. (With compensation)
4) Because (true to my hacker nature) I do believe that all information should be free, I will provide what time and resources I can to people who try to contact me through my email at no cost. This is supported by all my activity regarding my old site. But, taking into consideration everything explained on this page... You really have to be patient and realize that this will be done, but strictly on the basis of as I can. Because I am at this point (07.31.14) establishing a structure whereas I can devote my life to this work and helping people, and if your matter is of significance that you need it prioritized and worked in and you are able, you are strongly encouraged to contact me and set up a consultantion <consultation.htm>
20) walked .5 miles to get prescriptions; 2/3 correct - 1 not
available (inceidentally, the one Im seeking to attempt to help me focus my
21) Took break before resuming work to email friend symapthetic to plight, who may find humor in the situation.
Decided to finally call it a day and stop...
22) createdd new link on RBK navigation screen for teasers as
to what Im workingon at the moment, created page for link... took screenshot..
edited, optimized, built in dreamweaver.. uploaded.
(realized no music playing... decided between my three media players based on unique characteristics intrinsic to each as weighed against my needs regaridng use at this time... playing now: NIN "Ten Miles High").
(Crashed Dreamweaver, restarting).
23) issue address re: Alex by mom addressed and resolved.
24) Notification of FB post led to screenshot of "Yeah, Science, bitch" screenshot to be used in some way, re: site.
25) posted update regarding new link to teaser took scrsht, optimized, etc.. for future use on the site..
26) Note: Develop into TOS agreement that by entering, they agree that ny content shared or distributed must attributed to the source (this site,) furthermore any material publically quoted, dessimated, published or otherwise made available may be referenced on a point-fragmentary basis, but the same document must in the same body contain the entire statement/paragraph it was taken from, as feature a link back to this site, so that anyone hearing your opinions or points raised may her or review the material, from the source, as intended, and form their own opinions based on the entire concept and materials supporting it. By Pressing enter, you agree to be legally bound to this in a legally binding agreement, that in addition to anything I have the option of holding you liable for according to law and principles of law, you agree I will also be awarded fees of $500/hour spent addressing the matter. (Time spent addressing the matter includes actions such as [but not limited to] emailing you, myinvestigation, efforts securing eveidence, efforts obtaining information from any and all appropriate parties regarding both sides of the case, time in court, or any way pursuant towards establishing actions took place and obtaining evidence thereof such as appropriate to present the case in court).
b) you agree that you will in no way attempt to share link-specific information in a maner to access the page that would by-pass any intended recipient said information was being sent to, from having to go through this page and agree to same terms. (e.g.: You specifically agree not to email a link to the subject-specific frame.) If your actions result in my taking actions as decribed above, you agree that being aware of this clause, your actions are a conscious willing effort to bypass my rights as I am establishing them with a blatant disregard for the accuracy of the information within, and in such a way as to further complicate my life and compromise the integrity of my intellectual property, that you agree if such actions occurr, to pay triple damages to compensate me for my compesation of time as it relates to your case. ($1,500/hr).
27) 26 Header: significant points of interest (Why you need
to read this - DO not scroll down and click "enter" without reading!)
1) Proper protocol to email me
2) TOS and consequences you are by entering this site agreeing to be bound by in a legally binding contract, which you are agreeing by entering the site, should I have to pursue in any way the violation of, to compensate me at the rate of $500-$1,500 per hour spent doing so., or the maximum amount allowable in the optimally (for me) pursuant court of law, whichever is greater. (in the event this exceed damages as routinely calculated in any court, based on the fact I have determined this is what my time spent doing so is worth, you agree should you break this contract, its what you will pay me for my time spent addressing such and this clause functions absolutely independently of "damages" or other routine matters taken into consideration, which I am still fully entitled to.
3) This is in addition to any damages actually incurred and compensatory for efforts at recovering damages legally pertinent and applicable. You furthermore agree that so long as it is established you have violated this TOS, that this will be paid to me in efforts to handle my case, regardless of the verdict of said case.
4) in the event laywers are hired, you agree to reimburse me for their fees and any and all legal expenses, in addition the the fees already covered and all additional damages the court hearing the matter should determine I am legally entitled to.
5) It covers the incentive anyone familiar with your efforts could make a significant amount of money for reporting. (As an example, under the terms of this arrangment, one scenario could be @ 100 hrs spent resolving an issue, NOT counting any damages awarded, they will be paid $15,000 for something as simple as emailing me a screenshot of a post you may make on a forum). PAY ATTENTION.
The reason this matter is being handled so aggressively, Is that if you are spreading and discussing or quoting my material, its reasonable to assume you are sharing opinions or dicussing meanings/possible interpretations of it, which likely conflict with your currently established belief system. As such, in tandem with the FE and the inherent indication that both factors of FE are at work based on the fact this action is taking place, it is critical to preserve the integrity of the material, that its usage be highly controlled and when allowed or done, the resources for anyone interested who is a critical-thinker to be able to look into the source material (this website) and see the entire scope and figure things out on their own or at least have all available material to make the most logical deductions and determination of said materials meanings most accurate, they need to know where to access the all data cyurrently available to it.
...Additionally, it provides a link back to anyone who stumbles across it and comes to the website upon discovery of further developments to view and have access to the most up-to-date and complete information available.
"Headhunter Incentive" in place to motivate anyone
familiar with this site to assist me in making sure my material is being used
Anyone who reports a violation of this TOS and assists in building a case which results in a guilty verdict, will be given 10% of all damages, including my fees as described pursuant to this agreement. This is being done as a token of my appreciation for helping me maintain the integrity of my project. Note: If there is no guilty verdict, 10% of fess is non-applicable.
(playing: NIN - "My Violent Heart.")
<-----!!!Off Website ideas!!!----->
Security mention: security through obscurity/Misinformation - highly effective
(playing - 7Horse - "Meth Lab Zoso Sticker")
(28)Ghost soldiers <link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_Army> were encouraged to <BOLD>use their brains and talent to mislead, deceive and befuddle the German Army.</BOLD> (Re: practice by US government 72 years ago to secure its interests as related to WWII.. Do you really think such efforts are not in still in place to secure their interests as they pertain to public belief and perception? Knowledge is not always power... frequently, knowledge is a weapon used to manipulate those its "informing" to a desired way of thinking that serves the direct interests of the one doing the "informing". (as it relates to security point: security through obscurity in that they arent telling you and keep their methods secret, misinformation being what was being used and the secret in fact, kept that they wanted kept secret; this also applies to the very mission, itself).
-clarify and elaborate - difference from using your enemies to your advantage (exploiting your enemies weakness to serve cause) case in point: Marilyn Manson
- Clarify sociopathic misinterpretation.. and even sociopaths can be highly functional, not all are "Ted Bundy's;" most, in fact, arent. Highest percentage of all occupations featuring sociopaths not politicians or Wall Street brokers.. They are CEOs of companies and highly valued for their inherent calm under pressure and non-responsiveness to situations others are emotionally reactive to, as well as their strategic potential regarding target acquisition mode, an ability to read the situation most others present in same situation do not posess, and a calculating and methodical nature likely to be combined with high attention to detail and frequently present with (as in "in addition, regarding those with sociopathy, not as in with most who have high intelligence) high intelligence. Regarding this, 1% of the population is estimated to have sociopathy... regarding the 99% movement, 1% is controlling the world and fate of others (the 99%)...
29) Note: build link addressing Marilyn Manson (include grey daisy pic)
<note: back to Netflix, where I ran across a documentary that prompted the last portion Re: WW2 "ghost Army" braindump in the first place>. (playing: Theory of a Deadman - "Bad Girlfriend")
30) 2215hrs - decided to send this to doctor to support and reinforce while my mind is certainly always "racing," it is (as indicated and consistent with all findings) contantly processing data and figuring things out in a logical task-oriented way and not in any random or abstract, emotional nature or capacity. Also, to give her an idea of the nature of whats going on in my head <bold><italics<underline>all the time</b></i></u> while Im trying to interact with life and my typical day-to-day needs as background noise in my head and whats going on and what I mean when I am saying that I cant sleep and am not tired because I cant stop thinking. Note: Email/call her and post this on her page. Point: If this is what I use to dump and organize my thoughts, maybe it will help her to see the connectivity and that coherence is highly present when I seem to be jumping topic-to-topic in a manner *they* arent following but their comment made me think of an approach, analogy or other associated fact they are simply unaware of (Point:no one ever is in any way, which is why misunderstanding of others actions/meanings/intents happen. Especially since people who cant say what they mean or mean what they say and are loosely expressing feelings they may not be comfortable addressing or of an intense or complicated nature in a way that not only alters the real message they are conveying inconsistent to their needs and oppositionally to their needs and matter needing addressed) or able to follow (FE). X bias (FE-reference) (note: Dr. Yoder, this type of statement which likey seems most incoherent and non-sensical, is highly typical of what I wake up to in the morning and have to re-organize and de-construct, then reassemble and handle appropriately towards whatever ends, means, or cause whatever topic being addressed involves (e.g, public, website, doctors, addressing matters via eamil and just taking the appropriate action based on whatever. This is not disorganized thinking.. Its actually just a densely-packed perfectly logical but very subject-spedific thought that involves priniples from many different practices and traits cross-specific and inhernet to and based on different fields and does not make sense or seem logical/fluid due to that.[Incidentally, this note is being written to clarify and point that out at the immediate concusion of having written the last sentence, not as an afterthought such as something I saw or re-read and thought needed clarified... This document is not being proofread for typos or anything, in any way. This is to show you exactly whats going on in my head, and how Im performing down to the fact that Im really even making a lot of typos that are being missed and so you can use it evidentially to support that based on the fact I am typing and at least not making or not catching typos/mistakes, etc.. solidly, Note: notice in support of what Im saying, how once focus shifted toward and your involvement was triggered, the strategic and perfectly logical functions regarding making sure you understand and how to address this in regards to you are in fact, highly appropriate. Also, this is the nature of the way I tackle issues and focus on matters.. with great intensity, detail, from all angles.. which tends to ironically feed into the subjective outside observation that my statements and topics covered are not inter-connected, when they just cant follow <IDEA: WIll build a page that makes sense of this. This is a good exampleof how things occur to me/ how I process and realize things and put into effect what Ive figured out> and also, the fact ive always done this and been this way can be established with scientific certainty, by the fact that when they did the testing determining my IQ, one of the other significant points of interest was how many topics I covered in a set period of time, which were coherent, connected, and logical. This was about 3rd grade/age 7/8> This burst type of realization/application <insert whatever youre calling this "here"> will from here on out be referred to as a "Brain Dump" (BD). (dr. yoder, thats a realization to help everyone understand and is not specific to you.. just thinking how I can apply all this). (I actually put great effort into trying to make sense, which is ironic... But now with my FE theory, I am able to, as evidenced by the difference you noticed and the immediate reversal of issues as described within interpersonal relationships)
</end brain dump>
Dr yoder: note: it is actually my intention at this point (and has been for about half an hour, since before I went off on that with you, to be done and call it a day and set aside my work and wind down.. Im not trying to be productive.. Im trying to shut down and all this is going on in my head. This is what I mean by, and have described as "background noise" when trying to sleep, pay attention to shit that doesnt matter or thats going on in my head. (2257hrs) The one thing I feel and can tell you is I have an inner compulsion for things to make sense (as touched upon during our visit,) am highly purpose-driven (regarding humanitarian-oriented objectives) and am also in addition to functioning at the levels and in the maner established by the QEEG, doing so with the hyper-sensitivity <WRONG WORD being because I cant think of the right way to get across what Im trying to bridge and the best one to use in its place> reated to and basedon the traumas and nature of what Ive experienced and the efffects of such. (2302hrs)
<note: incidentally, this point is about 2 hrs after idea
to document whats going on in my head for the world to understand, just to
put into perspective how fast all this is actually transpiring... 2223hrs
<[31, lol] to illustrate cohesion, i am still focused on the purpose of this list's original intent and purpose and am reconnecting my audience back to what they are supposed to be focusing on because they are probably trying to follow the subject matter, instead of trying to get the point of why this list/link was being developed in the first place. where I am at [Note to Audience (being made at time of occurrence and not added in after the fact) Which I in know (lol, had to leave that typo there due to the irony regarding knowledge/"no" topic/effort/point of this link/page/note <yes, last observation made as a matter of normal review/ re-reading of one's work that has just been written, to further clarify..) way expect them to be able to do and is why what and revolves around the entire FE concept - 2305hrs>
In its simplest terms: No, I dont expect you to understand.(2312hrs)
point of reference: was reviewing the content just written.. what your in no way getting, that the IT/tech "AKA "Geek" community does..is that while youre making the observation and interpreting the presence and use of symbols "<" as a symptom of the non-sensical way Im thinking.. Its actually proof of and establishes the highly process-like and logic-driven way in which I function and am, which is the "IT" nature of how I generally operate. These are known as "tags" regarding HTML code and considering I am working on a website and this is (obviously) <2322hrs 11:22p.m. Dr. Yoder - not obvious to you, obvious to those reading the site on which I am aware that this will at some point be on, though I do not yet know exactly how that will manifest, incidentally, there is signifcance as to why the the time was listed in both civilian/24 std time that is relevant and widely known band acknowledged by yet another grouP,Re: New Age/Numerology> that youre going to just have to trust me on, but is another consistency supporting FE> being put up on a website and I am in my editor building the website, due you see how the general misperception is actually the expression f that which it is calling into question? (2317hrs)
"Reverse Algebra" analogy way to look at how to process what Im saying and the mathmatical nature of my thought processes (significance math/binarycode scientifically agreed upon universal language) I really am trying very, very hard to figure out how to make people understand and am, in fact, great at communicating. (11:29, lol, inside joke for numerologically aware)
Ive decided that from now on, Ill just put everythig out there
universally and clarify and work with you on you individual basis on an as-needed
basis, (as it relates to our relationship)
31) Realized clinical value of timestamping these notations. 1131
LOL..Im am literally "function"-ing.. processing thoughts and stuff like a computer.. geeks get it, you dont. 2232hrs
note: I feel aconstant need at this point to explain and direct and state things that maybe youve deducted or maybe you havent: if the timestamp is before the thought, its when it begins. If its at the end of the thought, it means that by that time the thought was completed and I checked to see what time it was, thats where I was at.
jesus christ ... lol.. Dr. Yoder: re what you think Im going
through now, and any levels of exertion, this is just my brains normal idling
rate... not under strain, and not highly-reactive to my environment... Imagine
the types of intensity and what was going on in my head during the event RE:
2+ hrs applying FE w/ mom with such intensity my hair was soaked in sweat
for 6" length. (Note: for those of you reading this site, I was standing
still and in such a state and absolutely no physica'sl exertion was taking
place. Also, keep in mind that as this is written (11:42), this is all being
simultaneously processed and Im factoring in audience likely misperceptions
and addressing while all this is going on)) this is the type of energy it
takes to bring me to and function at your level in challenging situations).
And, Dr. Yoder, Keep in mind that this is what its like in my head now that Im calm, peaceful, "settled down," "collected," "Whatever you are considering my remarkable progress as it relates to achieving the comparatively quietness of mind." Mood/State:I feel happy, casual. For the hyper-aware: I AM "be"-ing.
this is about the past 24 hrs. This is normal. This is typical. This is whats going on in my head. This is me functioning in a happy and idling capacity.
lol, realized something that will make more sense later, but
for now, I'm done. You have enough to deal with/on your plate/to analyze,
and the amount of material provided thoroughly demonstrates everything Im
trying to get across. (NO, World... Not just to Dr. Yoder, to YOU).
Keep in mind, my mind is functioning much, much faster than the rate at which I am talk at. As in, you think Im fast based on my speech... based on all this, and what you know about the nature of life Ive lived and some of the experiences and things affecting me, try to keep everything as much as you can in the foreground of your mind when interpreting the data presented, and determining whatever elements of therapy or issues that may be resent and need addressed.
1254hrs; reference link to "http://www.r-b-k.us/11.htm"
The problem is, your thinking interms of and along the lines of right/wrong, black/white, positive/negative, and being defensive because of the B factor (bias/not bitch) <FE: polarity-based defensive reaction >
(yes, this makes sense to me, its the form as I thought it regarding the issue of my mom..) (0106hrs) (I really am curious about that headline I saw about gwen ad the "Bush" [rock group] guy's marriage and the whole thing about them sleeping in different bedrooms that was on the cover of the magazine that I saw, earlier, today.
<---Ive been aware of the snag with the "please. (08.01.14 12:11 a.m./ "for the numerologically inclined) glitch for a long time, btw.. I ended up accidentally clicking and typing where it made the laptop put the text in the wrong place, but it looked right at the time.> (Considering most people cant figure out their email and this is my version of a stupid mistake Ive made, it should illustrate the nature of the mistakes that when I make them, they are more tech/detail/spec - "techy" in nature as in clicking in the wrong place, over-writing a file, etc.., and not hyper-reactive/volatile/emotionally biased-based. (For those of you building upon my theories, when factoring in errors as related to FE---> (Geeks more inclined to interpret this properly, should they be of the nature that develops thy self).
0123hrs This is it i am fucking done and my back and neck and muscles are killing me.
(Note to self: file is in G> (thanks Mike! *tag*) RBK. Also: remind them to take notes, and note that when encountering an individual under significantly impaired mental functionality but using logic-based functioning and understanding, this effect is not at all unpleasant.. its like like living in a constant state of understanding and *tag* if youre reading this document*)
Now, when confused, assemble known materials. Re-orient as per your specific needs. This is how to "figure shit out" <note: should I write a whole chapter on how to figure shit out?>
Note to self: Figure out how to illustrate also, most effective and in fact therapeutic, when used conjunct with "getting your shit together" <as per 07.30.14 The first step in getting your shit together, is to get your shit together and only associate with people who make fucking sense. 2247hrs> See also: http://r-b-k.us/
Note: thinking ofapproach to apple along the lines of "I had to get stoned-fucked-up-and-stupid to figure them out, but I finally did it!<reference-----!!!so hard to be this slow!!!----->
Maybe: please recognize my genius. use wisely. Optimize for purpose intended. see supporting documentation.
-----------------New Document created for doctors/researchers-------------
absence of evidence is not absence of existence, and just because you cant figure it out or "prove" it with your limited scientific capabilities ( yes..science is very limited though that whole thing Re: how they've discovered "god" energy/then he moved/ vibration between superstring-theory thing is getting there...)
when Im *bored* Im thinking about physics and God..lol
<became aware need to document Re: 24 hours since you saw me, will be simpler if I actually do keep this all in a single file>.. So, for the sake of having something to refer to this document as (we have to call it something,) lets call this "Chapter_Two_2.htm.txt" (yes, I am deliberately blending things together, though technically while that is inaccurate, the name of the file would not cause the application not to function or become unstable, which is what your supposed to be performing in a cosistent manner with, and parallel with, to.
When you first learn something or are going to college, you kniw how foreign and amazingly complicated and difficult to remember the title of the class of you major was, though it was designed to be as concise as possible? well, using that analogy, The class describing my thought processes would be paralleled as:
Synergistic-cohesion and application of ability when encountering sociopathic-Empath Hybrids.
-----Pretend this is a website organizing data for a doctor-----------
Obtrusive thought that occurred 08.01.14n 0154hrs Addresses issue related to Right to die, contradicting logical nature of suicide from an evolutionary standpoint.(in other words, you could say "I had an idea" or "Something Occurred to me" or "Something else to be considered/factored into the equation...) <phrased multiple ways so as to get the point across in multiple ways of how *this* example could beobserved/perceived/interpreted/labelled/expressed/described, in order to help you understand what the basis is Im trying to explain, and the relevance of FE>
..at least what doesnt make sense, makes sense. Right?
<----!!!Doctors, no, this is not an inquiry as to as if at least the parts there, are working, or me questioning anything about my inner self, nor is it a neurotic request for confirmation that youre with me so far. I'm simply pointing out, that while you may be calling into question what Im trying to put together, the fundamentals of the various fields involved are accepted and agreed upon to be considered "common knowledge." Now that we've defined common, Chapter 3 !!!---->
</end website pretend>
(am accumulating so much shit I have decided to create a folder on my desktop dedicated for this purpose) <-----!!!Drs: demonstrating that while, in fact, experiencing rapid thought processes, and "manic" traits as understood are observed, organizational and functioning are stable and intact.. NOt running around like a mad man. Just me. Just be-ing Me.!!!----->
<---------------!!!!While I try to be as simple and direct and speak as simply as possible (despite people frequently feeling that Im always talking over their head or whatever) and so as to simplify my meaning, are you beginning to get why I dont take the approach of trying to explain everything all the time WHEN IM ALREADY FLOODING YOU WITH INFORMATION THAT YOU CANT FOLLOW OR UNDERSTAND AND PUT TOGETHER? Parallel: "I'm drowning, could you be so kind as to provide me a glass of water?"!!!!!----->
<-----!!!Doctors: Considering this is just how things are occurring to me and I havent gone through and "figured things out" or revised, proofread, etc.. Demonstrates: logical connectivity of ideas, and is consistent with a complex-trauma case, your ADHD and known "nurture" -oriented-trauma-induced anxiety disorders. Regardless of if you cant keep up with them and decide to call my "speed," "mania,' when its either your superficial bullshit, FE or the fact you cant fucking keep up with me actually being fully fucking rational and perfectly understandable, just demonstrating traits that <function: enable rationalization mode Set: "ON" [in other words this is how all the misdiagnosis happened and what your supposed to be figuring out for yourself, phrased technically with biting sarcasm] > that are actually counter-intuitive to initial observations but no one ever put the fucking time and energy into or connected the fucking dots on (no punctuation available to reference UVA not even bothering to try and get my records and make any kind of logical diagnosis on paper is as far as records, treatment, etc.. Even though everything they were doing should have told them they were wrong, SINCE NOTHING anyone's DONE HAS EVER WORKED).!!!!----->
Yes. The more I try to explain, the harder it gets for you to digest what Im trying to tell you. It becomes more Kind of like school. Chapter 3 is going to be harder and more challenging than chapter one, such as a 301 course would be more difficult than a 101 course. Same fucking thing. Dont make me the issue. Considering 36 years of doing it traditionally has gotten me nowhere, why dont we consider this possibility for at least a fraction of the speed at which a hummingbird's wings flap. Because, If *I'M* the issue, and you're not making the mistake, that would not only mean that my delusional interpretations based on basic scientific fundamentals achieved overnight, what your scientifically "sound" observations/technique hasnt been able to resolve since initialized 29 years ago; furthermore, youv've only exacerbated and have directly and overtly contributed to everything that is wrong, and why I am the way I am, regardless of howe you decide to "diagnose/perceive" me, and my method is even more valid regarding factors alternative to yours. And, considering the state of the world, Id say youre pretty fucking everything up. <EVERYONE who doesnt have their shit together> Now, let go of you egoic-defensive mental posturing and realize that you're off the hook: My theory is npt in any way oppositional to yours, in as far as how you came to your conclusions, past disorders, Im not questioning the validity of any other disorders, and I understand why you have come to the conclusions you have. My theory, actually explains all that and furthermore, ccohesive effect taking place between all the muli-dynamics at work and your (mutually agreed upon<acknowledging, not specifying certain ones>) practices as have resulted thus far...
------------------------------Website Pretend again-------------------------
<-----!!!CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PICTURE WHAT YOURE ABOUT TO READ ON A BLACK SCREEN, WITH BIG, BOLD-PRINT, "OLD TYPE-WRITER"-LOOKING-STYLE FONT IN HUGE RED LETTERS!!!----->
We are Symbiotic. Non-oppositional.
</end website pretend>
<-----!!!INCIDENTALLY, IF YOU RESENT BEING TREATED LIKE IDIOTS, THEN ACT LIKE YOU HAVE SOME INTELLIGENCE AND LET GO OF YOUR EGO AND VIEW THE SITUATION FROM THE CRITICAL-THINKINKING ORIENTED SCIENTIFIC VIEW POINT YOUR SUPOPSED TO POSSESS. ALSO, IM SORRY, BUT CONSIDERING IM WORKING ON THIS AT 08.01.14 AT 0309HRS AFER A LIFETIME OF CONSTANT TRUAMA-BASED "WHATEVER" CENTRALLY REVOLVING ON THIS BULLSHIT, MY PATIENCE IS A LITTLE THIN, AND WHILE i WILL PATIENTLY DEAL WITH THE MASSES IN REFERENCE TO MY WORK AND WHAT iM TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH, YES, YOU GET THE BLUNT DIRECT SHIT YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE, TOLERATE, AND FIGURE OUT IN A MANNER CONSISTENT WITH YOUR CHOSEN PROFESSION. (CHALK THIS UP TO INTELLECTUALY-EXPRESSED ANGER "ISSUES," SHOULD YOU STILL BE NEEDING TO LABEL IT "SOMETHING". ALSO; CONSIDERING YOU HAVE GRADUATED MED SCHOOL.. I HAVE ELEVATED THE COURSE MATERIAL'S THECNICALITY...!!!----->
(LOL. I just thought <?obtruding thought? Did it 'disturb' me or interefere with or interrupt my way of thinking so that i was able to maintain a track of thought, or did I just for God's sake have a fucking idea?> of an idea. The masses think they have it bad. They think I talk over their heads and am pissed off at them.. lol, theyre just being whatever in theyre day-to-day lives.. you people are the ones who were supposed to be DOING SOMETHING AND FIGURING THIS SHIT OUT, and youre suppsed to be highly intelligent... complicated as I may seem to some, considering they are getting me in my simplest form and my most "idiot-friendly" expression of seklf, youre getting the real "I actualyy have some fuckng expectations out of you" treatment... you have to remember, when factoring in how much I dont make sense to you, right now, i do make perfect sense to them.. Im not in a delusional state of being; nor have I ever, EVER, amongst your god-hundred mis-diagnosis ever been diagnosed with any delusional disturbances. i do consistently talk and conduct myself in a manner that makes sense, to those not leaning further toward the mensa end of the spectrum you people collectively function at, on a regular day-to-day basis, their misperceptions of me are ENTIRELY different than yours. FURTHERMORE; ALL MISPERCEOTIONS OF ME ARE CONSISTENT WITH "THE FLICKER-EFFECT." *sigh* Im done. In other words, i majored in psychology and figured it out for myself, then I fixed myself, now Im trying to explain all the misinterpreted data so you can "patch" your O/S and update your application of a program that is working perfectly soundly for most, but is notoriously glitchy for some users, under some circumstances, or when other issues compromising operative stability are present, a royal clusterfuck, so future "users/patient" wont experience the "history," <"history" used clinically as in previous life experiences> I have).
<-----!!!Taking break @ 0340hrs d/t back pain limiting ability/mobility!!!!----->
0351hrs trying to figure out in unusual sensations in extremeties and tailbone region are a result of compression neuropathy, or "kundalini rising"-type phenmoena.. Circulation: hands normals; feet very, very cold.
0407hrs My life in a nutshel: first, I did as I was told... Then, I fought back... Now, Ive figured it out. (Me to world:) "Need help with that?"
0411hrs Note to self: dont forget to do e-mail privacy footer
0423hrs: My issue and the resulting effects re: acrj exp.- not problematic due to emotional instability in the traditional sendse, but the complete and fully aware state I was in regarding the very nature of what I was experiencing in tandem with the trauma-based orientation of my perceptions based on case history. This is supported on all counts and verifiable on all levels including CO's liking me and considering me so "low maintenance"... <normal guy, never knew what would happen happen syndrom> <example of someone having a serious and majorly adverse reqction to their environment, but so high-functioning they are perfectly capable of functioning within it, until they finally decide they arent going to put up with it any more> liking me, letters to jessica.. My letters and feeling were always rational, clear and coherent, and made sense as I was explaining them, regarding everyone I was in communication with and all my behaviors are 100% consistent with everything expressed, and documented as being (known by all) by life history, all circumstances involved, by all parties. Furthermore, this situation was entirely avoidable and I did everything possible to avoid/prevent/ensure that what happened would not take place, as did my health care team. (re: Letter sent via certified mail and carried on my, and which I witnessed Dr. COhen Xerox and add to my chart,) while I was in jail.
0446hrs: figure out how to work in reference to former relationships including a marriage to cops who are trained to be able to determine if someone is of sound mind. <working to establish validity of theory and circumstances supporting my total fucking sanity and which (re: jef J and the FBI) are perfect examples of how fucked-up people are and the people who not only arent doing their jobs or taking things seriously, but who are alos unstable, volvatile, fooling you and everyone else (jeff) and being allowed to function within such and allowed to retain position and authority despite concrete factual evidence immediately reported to all parties involved (including law enforcement and "company who's resources were being misused in the act of comission of said acts" (in this case that company being the fucking govt and one and the same as the formerly mentioned ("law enforcement")) role despite clearly demonstrated behaviors indicating you should immediate get rid of them (Simpson quote "Ive always been concerned about his unhealthy preoccupation with weapons,") and which when occurring on a personal level to me were not so important that they had to handled as a serious matter, eventually developed into such a problem you could not avoid. [resulting in termination based on behavior with not one, not two, but all three police departments this ex-husband was employed with].
0459 regarding people who think Im condescending.. First when I use the simplest expressions you cant figure out what I mean based on technically accurate/specific use of words designed for ease of deduction, then when I take the time and try to explain it you tell me I am treating you like an idiot. Make up your fucking mind.
0504hrs send "Off the Record" email to "X" (Incidentally, [sorry, no A&P] left, front muscles in upper-quadrant are "ticking" [a first] along with a tremor that is best described as "vibratory" in regards to how fast the tick/spasm/ contraction-release "whatevers" are happening additionally, in sense/orientation/described by me to define "pitch" as "high-frequency"
0518hrs idea to put into effect: forum Issue of significance: prohibit names of any and all known identities of my and known "alters" from being registered by users for whatever intentions to impersonate or pose as me on forum; furthermore, so as not to recognize or give any confirmation.affirmation of acknowledgement supporting alter's existence, names will set up so as they may never be registered and not "registered" /(recognized/FED IN TO*) by myself in any way, shape or form.. thats how intwense my focus is and the energy Im addressing staying intact with, as well as the nature of how I am addressing aND FUNCTIONING AT THIS POINT IN TIME; regarding dissocitive condition.
0543hrs: question for dr yoder: is there anything that can be helpful in figuring the nature of whats going with my brain when the significant facts that the only medications that have been effective are thorazine and xanax, as related to the parts of the brain they work on and how they work in the brain, that can in any way be elaborated on, used to treat, explored, etc..? (e.g. as r inreference to the throazine study from the 70's when they compared lobotomy patients to thorazine patients and could hnot tell the difference between the two based on eeg readings.. They are totally shutting down the brain, but while it (in this case) is the only thing that makes me sleep, the way it works on me is still atypical e.g. I dont get stupid or experience "The Thorazine SHuffle," and I just eventually faol asleep a couple hours after I take it. (as experienced @ doses as high as 500mg and as low as 300mg, but never effective at doses lower than 300mg, even when used conjunct with benzo therapy i.e. 200mg thorazine + 6mg Klonopin never making me sleep, but not even producing any noticeable grogginess or sedation that would lead to sleep, in regards to the nature ofwhats keeping me awake.
0606hrs new age - forensic explanation of pathology behind people
thinking music "talks" to them or has some "higher/special"
purpose as related to the song "Come WITH mE now," being played
acrj/quote later put on home landing page/ playing when I was uploading dr
yoders page with the question about the thorazine/xanax issue. (Ironically
followed by "Break Stuff" (Limp Bizkit) also
a) mentioning of songs prior in this document supports significance and relevance of aforementioned point
b) consistent with the nature of the r-b-k site [and the irony that the subjective nature of art/music and its interpretation are what triggered the development of this site and what you are now reading, to begin with]
(now playing "Cat's cradle" significance as more palatable as similar in actual concept to marilyn manson link I mentioned somewhere in here to develop.(im gonna be like you/ be everything you hate/lack = as it relates to "reflecting your ugliness back out at you" "He'd grown up just like me"(last line from "Cat's cradle") see also MM/Oprah connection. (expand)
0624hrs (really am trying to just lay down.. muscles hurt.. after the second point, I had to get them out)
1) pursue email/ re: jessica+Dr
2) I forgot, but speaking of forgetting - tie in memory issues being highly significant in relation to how I got here as related to testament to extent of perception /experienced pain during traumatization, the issue precipitating my medical leave from school, and the reason why I strarted having to take these notes in the first place. Also; photographic memory as child. (expand) <Realized that was the "real" reason I got up to begin with, and why I waited before I did.. desperately just want to sleep. lol, lyric just played "You'll always be my hero, even though you lost your mind" (mentioned on sgd.us/ was writing about "losing my mind" re: dissociation ,tie in **AGAIN* manson(C. Manson)/music subject
re: idea of website and cards for cops/ communicating with people on their level. sound and based on Carnegie (sales) "People like people like them" theory, successfully adopted and practiced by sales people for decades.. / "reading"/<observing> / being what they want or need to trust /feel comfortable with you, a mild version and example of widely practiced and socailly tolerable form of sociopathic behavior. (0646hrs)
<Dr. Yoder... projected estimates related to you and this
1) highly indicative
2) probably pretty much accurately received as intended
3) I think you'll be surprised to realize this is the actual nature of whats going on in my head
4) I think you may have the potential to follow more of what Im saying than Im even giving you credit for (which says a lot, trust me)
TUES. AUG. 12 @1030as a result, my calculated odds are of 96% certainty this will get us somewhere and only 4% chance of it developing into a royal clusterfuck. (and, the only reason the odds are that high, is because given my concrete certainty of your soundness and the application of your theories and aptitude, if you are interpreting anything inaccurately, it will be much, much harder to straighten out. The strength of the convictions of belief I have in your ability and the possibility you may be able to help me get to the bottom of all this, is evidenced by multiple elements of my case history, as well as the fact youre the only one I ever trusted enough to discuss or be open in any way about my dissociativeness with, and that this letter is being written.>
tie-in quote" Terrible lie" "..I lost my" "x" issues quote, re - all that other shit. 0657hrs (immediately following upper comment).
TT "J" re: how to get data to K.M. and M 0701hrs (just occurred to me, I should drink something.. as in "oh yeah.. noticed a cup, which reminded me I have not drank anything in since.. I dont know. A while)
Re: "TT "J" re: how to get data to K.M. and M 0701hrs" note to self.. case in point: we are "R/R" to what is their "p" <sorry, dr. yoder.. not paranoia..>
Idea: to illustrate magnitude of different approaches to diametrically opposed targets, dr/NA contact methods/examples (as FE in effect)
"..Or how a smart person makes sense of the world, when they finally figure out all the fucked-up shit going on around them." <another way to breakdown/title/label/condier> (also note: my theory is the only thing that makes sense, when all you do is raise more conflicting and inconsistent or counter-product issues when actions taken based on your theories are taken) <getting up to drink, now> 0720hrs ...JFC
0722 hrs - did drink. remember to transcribe significant text to mom, also point out time is not only significant in that "22" (minutes past the hour) is a master number, but that 22+7= 29/11 = another master, in this case "Master numbers" indicative of motivation and inspiration, lol (on that note, I think I really am done).
LAST FUCKING THING AND THEN IM WATCHING THE GHOST ARMYT DOCUMENTARY.
NOTE TO SELF; NOTE SIGNIFICANCE OF IRONY, RE: SOUND ISSUES WITH LAPTOPS. (CHEATING)
uPDATE: POST ALSO AS EXAMPLES, dR. LTR, nOORY LETTER, RBK LINK, TO SHOW DIFFERENT
ASPECTS OF ME AND DEMONSTRATEDIFFERENT METHODS OF COMMUNICATION, AS RELATED
<AND, REMEMBER.. THIS IS ON A NIGHT THAT STARTED OUT BORED AND WAS PRODUCTIVE, BUT STILL NOT ME IN ANY TYPE OF AN "AMPED UP" STATE, E.G. WORKED UP/INTENSE/ANXIOUS/EMOTIONAL/ETC..
JFC.. WATCHING THE DOCUMENTARY.. TRIED TO JUST REST, WANTED TO MAKE SURE i WOULDNT FORGET, SO NOTE TO SELF: BE SURE TO BUILD PAGE DRAWING PARALLELS BETWEEN NATURE OF ENERGY AND ATTENTION TO DETAIL/THOROUGHNESS + MAGNITUDE = TO "TURTLE PENIS" POINT > R-B-K.US/RANTS.HTM FOR ALL PARTIES READING THIS NOW, BECAUSE i KNOW THAT ONE WILL TOTALLY THROUGH YOU AND IT PERFECTLY DEMONSTATRATES HOW INTERCONNECTED MY THOUGHTS ARE, WHILE MAKING ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO YOU, AND ON A SUPERFICIALLY OBSERVED BASIS, ARE COUNTER-INTUITIVE AS TO THE BELIEFS FORMING PERCEPTIONS OF ALL PARTIES INVOLVED.
(NOTE; < IMMEDIATE FOLLOW-UP TO PRECEDING> :PHYSICAL/MENTAL STATE: WANT TO SLEEP, FRUSTRATED BY CONSTANT NEED TO KEEP GETTING UP TO WRITE MORE DOWN, REALIZE EFFECTIVENESS AND SIGNIFICANCE OF DOING SO, BUT THE IMPORTANCE FEEDS INTO THE PURPOSE-DRIVE i HAVE AND CREATES A COHESION OF THE KNOWN FACTORS AS RELATED TO URGENCY-ASSOCIATED, INCREASED "PRESSURE" OF THOUGHTS. <"pRESSURE" USED VERY HESITANTLY AND VERY LOOSELY, BASED THE LACK OF A BETTER WORD TO USE, AND THAT MUST BE USED IN THIS DOCUMENT TO NOT ONLY GET THE POINT OF WHAT IM EXPERIENCING ACROSS TO YOU, BUT SUPPORT FE AND INDICATE WHY THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY HAS ASSOCIATED THIS TYPE OF ACTIVITY AS "MANIC" - BUT NOT AS UNDERSTOOD, USED OR DEFINED, BY YOU, AT THIS TIME. 0754HRS
0807HRS RE: "LEGAL CONTRACT" APPROACH TO DY RE: EMAIL POINT OF SIGNIFICANCE: SC
P.O.I. (REALIZED MUCH SOONER THAN THIS, BUT WRITTEN DOWN AND
LEFT AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS E-MAIL, FOR ALL BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SPECIALISTS,
CONSIDER THAT WHEN IN SCHOOL AND EXPRESSING MY THEORIES, COMPREHENSION AND
APPLICATION OF FUNDAMENTALS BEING DISCUSSED, I WAS DESCRIBED (DIGITALLY EXISTING
SOMEWHERE) AS A "TALENTED" STUDENT WITH A "bRILLIANT"
FURTURE, AND THEORIES THAT WERE "MORE MODERN" THAN WATSOM &
SCARR, BY A PROFESSOR.
</DONE>" 0816HRS (NOTE: BREAKDOWN TO ME OF TONIGHTS EVENTS: aLL iVE DONE IS FIGURE TSHIT OUT, THEN DIGEST AND FOCUS ON ESTABLICHING THE INTEGRITY OF ALL FACTORS INVOLVED AND TON, AND TRY TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, FOR VARIOUS PURPOSES MENTIONED).
0824HRS FE TECHNIQUE APPLIED TO MICHAEL WITH ABSOLUTE IMMEDIATE SUCCESS (SIGNIFICANCE, PERMUTATION OF SECOND DYNAMIC (SPEED DIFFERENTIAL) - CONSIDERING APPLIED TO ld 30- Y.O.
<-----!!!INCIDENTAL IF OF ANY SIGNIFICANCE, IM SO BUSY THINKING I CAN T PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING, EVEN AREAS OF HIGH INTEREST THAT HAVE PROVEN APPLICABLE TO THE VERY THEORY IM THINKING ABOUT... I UST REALIZED NOTHING WAS PLAYING ON THE LAPTOP, AND I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE WHEN THE DOCUMENTARY ENDED, LAYING 12" AWAY FROM IT....!!!----< (SUBJECT OF FOCUS AT THE TIME: MIKES BREAKTHROUGH). 0840 LOL.. NUMEROLOGICAL SIGNIFICANCE OF "3" SUPPORTING ENTIRE FE THEORY.. ALSO NUMEROLOGICALLY SIGNIFICANT, + RELIGION / MODERN HEALTH TRIFECTA PARALLEL.. THE MORE I GO ON, THE MORE SENSE EVERYTHING MAKES. ALSO, TO PUT THINGS INTO PROPER PERSPECTIVE, IM LAYING HERE JUST TYPING AWAY WITH ONE HAND, HUNT AND PECK FASHION, COOL AS A CUCUMBER, BOTH BECAUSE ALL THIS IS REQUIRING NO EFFORT, AND DUE
0848HRS: MENTION ACRJ GUARD TON POTENTIAL ARGUEMENT OR DEFENSE BASD AROUND "ENTRAPMENT" THAT IRONICALLY WOULD PROBABLY HAVE GOTTEN ME REASONABLE DOUBT WITH A JURY, THOUGH IN THIS CASE i WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN INTENTIONALLY VIOLATING A LAW, IN A GROSSLY BASTARDIZED REVERSAL OF TO THE NATURE OF EVERY ALMOST EVERY OTHER ASPECT RELATED TO CONVICTION IVE EXPERIENCED.TO PAIN IN NECK AND SHOULDERS (TAKING ON A BURNING SENSATION) HAZ GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT CONSIDERING IM TRYING TO REST, THIS IS JUST THE BEST, EASIEST, AND MOST COMFORTABLE WAY TO DO IT!!!----->
NOTE: NEW FE-FACTOR LEARNED THROUGH MIKE REALIZATION; INTRINSIC NATURE OF EACH OF US TO DEVELOP CHALLENGES UNIQUE AND APPROPRIATE FOR OUR CHALLENGES/PURPOSE/LIFE TO BE LEARNED FROM, ETC.. 0906HRS
EXTREMELY CONDENSED SIMPLE EXPRESSION TO CONSIDER USING TO DESCRIBE WHAT THE POINT OF ALL THIS SUPPORTS AND MEANS: YOUR SOUL IS WHO YOU ARE AND WE ARE ALL JUST REACTING TO THE FUCKED-UP WORLD
Update: 1305hrs Waiting for webmail to unfuckup. Significant developments re: new age and application of FE to "The System" "them" "entire problematic issue thats fucked you your whole life" with same effectiveness as Mike, Jeff, Mom..Alex.. Me..etc..